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yougavemeastocking2019-12-19 07:02 pm
stevetony_elf) wrote in yougavemeastocking2019-12-19 07:02 pm
Entry tags:
Stocking: rowantreewrites || the-faultofdaedalus
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Username: rowantreewrites/the-faultofdaedalus
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Rowantreeisme
Comics Steve/Tony: early 616 (ToS, Avengers), Ultimates
Other Fandoms/Ships/Characters:MCU (Steve/Tony, Tony/Natasha), The Murderbot Diaries
Likes:angst, hurt/comfort, Avengers as family, Tony's usual brand of self-loathing, fluff, identity porn, time loops, space/sci-fi aus of any kind, body horror
Dislikes: rape, incest, bodily fluids excluding blood, daddy kink, would prefer nothing explicit
Non-fandom related requests/anything else?: Sci-fi book recs and podfic recs are always great!
Username: rowantreewrites/the-faultofdaedalus
AO3 Username:
Comics Steve/Tony: early 616 (ToS, Avengers), Ultimates
Other Fandoms/Ships/Characters:MCU (Steve/Tony, Tony/Natasha), The Murderbot Diaries
Likes:angst, hurt/comfort, Avengers as family, Tony's usual brand of self-loathing, fluff, identity porn, time loops, space/sci-fi aus of any kind, body horror
Dislikes: rape, incest, bodily fluids excluding blood, daddy kink, would prefer nothing explicit
Non-fandom related requests/anything else?: Sci-fi book recs and podfic recs are always great!
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--
Sometimes Tony forgets he isn't human anymore. He reaches for something, (for someone), or wonders why he can't smell his morning coffee brewing. It's like missing a step, or slipping on ice - feeling the stomach he doesn't have anymore drop.
He recalls many times when he hasn't felt quite human - the mechanical heart, the first days of Extremis. Now though, it's more than just a feeling. He is a holographic replication of the electric impulses that once represented the mind of Tony Stark. Nothing more.
He cannot touch those he loves, cannot offer or receive comfort. His physical body is as hollow as his soul.
Yet he aches. Its odd, he thinks, that he can feel something so physical and so intense, but only the bad parts. The phantom pain of a body missing in its entirety.
He is cold. Or not. Not cold. He knows he can't be cold or tired or hungry and yet he feels it all. A yearning for warmth, for rest, for comfort.
He drifts to Steve.
His beacon of comfort. His heart has always weighed a little less in Steve's presence.
But Steve is not Steve. His comfort is an illusion. The siren's song meant to lure him in, blind him to the danger beneath the surface. Steve promises the world: we will find a way to get you a body, Tony. He cups his hand to Tony's cheek like he can feel him.
Tony needs this.
In a fucked up twist of irony, he thinks at times that its only Steve's affection that keeps him from losing himself. Without Steve, it would not be so hard to embrace Steve's newfound ideology.
He knows his Steve is still out there somewhere. Tony owes it to him to remain strong. Take what comfort he can get, let the destruction wash through him as everything else does. Be so fucking zen he'd make Stephen Strange proud.
Worm his own thoughts and words into Steve's brain as subtle and insidious as Steve does so to him. Lean in to the icy feeling down his spine each time Steve says hail hydra. Save people where he can and store it in his memory banks when he can't.
That's all it is.
Steve is not his magnetic north. The ease he feels for a moment when he looks at this Steve is just an illusion. He tells himself he would walk away from this parody of his old friend if the world didn't need him, if the real Steve didn't need him.
He tells himself a lot of things. The things Tony Stark thought he should tell himself.
Steve is an illusion. But so is Tony.
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Some sci-fi books I've enjoyed recently:
- Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir: A mix of science fiction (multi-planetary empire!) and fantasy (necromancy is def real here!). Also has swords, lesbians, and sword-lesbians.
- Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie: Pure space opera with a healthy heap of Gender to go with it
- Doomsday Book by Connie Willis: If you like time travel and haven't read this one, it might be worth a shot! Time-traveling historian! (There's, uh, a lot of disease, though, so ymmv.)
& since you like sci-fi and podfic, maybe you'll like a sci-fi podcast? I'd give Wolf 359 a shot! A slacker, a mad scientist, an uptight commander, and an AI with an attitude on a shitty, tiny space station try to find alien life.
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https://66.media.tumblr.com/a5d44b909a15ae319575a2257780855d/221a649d2ba47ea9-6a/s500x750/c28a9bbc068343bf51b81017107e3c4c528635e9.png
a rec:
- Ninefox Gambit (and the rest of its trilogy)
- it's set in space and there's great technobabble and also the main character has a mass murderer stuck in her head.
- i have nothing else to say i just think it's a great series.
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Hiiiii <33
cixin liu, three body problem (also everything cixin liu writes okay)
john scalzi, old man's war (has everyone read this yet b/c I think so but have it in the list anyway)
brendan reichs, nemesis (an odd solution to an upcoming apocalypse; the dying over and over part esp. reminds me of you)
susan beth pfeffer, life as we knew it (an asteroid hits the moon and brings it closer to earth; the author writes an apocalyptic scenario from an everyday sort of perspective)
<3
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