Stocking: Ironlawyer

[stevetony_elf]

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Username:Ironlawyer
AO3 Username: Ironlawyer
Comics Steve/Tony:616, Ults
Other Fandoms/Ships/Characters:616 Carol/Jess, EMH SteveTony
Breaking Bad, Jesse Pinkman focused.
Hannibal - Will/Hannibal.
The Untamed/MDZS -
Jiang Cheng/Lan Wangji
Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen(/Song Lan)
Cowboy Bebop - Spike/Jet
Likes: Dark fic, angst, wlw porn, trauma aftermath/recovery, self-hatred, skrulls, hidden injury, break up, addiction, mental health issues, unhappy/ambiguous ends (happy is fine too though), identity porn, h/c, pining, memory loss, self-sacrifice. Pretty much anything angsty will hit the spot. I could really go for some post trauma recovery fic or some f/f porn.
Dislikes:Fluff, non f/f PWP, non-canon AU, ABO, pregnancy, mpreg, soulmates, happy coming out stories, genderswap (unless lesbians), feminisation, incest, spanking.
Non-fandom related requests/anything else?:Queer poems, especially wlw. Queer novels or shows recs, especially if they fit my likes. Recs for leftist video essayist and media analysis YouTubers

Comments

[keirkieran]

Your fic preferences aren't my cup of tea (I am a big baby and need happy endings), but I may have some recommendations.

I like Bowties & Books on youtube. She's definitely on the left and features a lot of queer and minority authors and topics. I also like La'Ron Readus, he does reviews mainly of movies and he's also very left and gets into lots of queer and minority matters. (I really liked his take on Luca.)

It's not on youtube, but there's a podcast called Pendumbra and it's a queer SF noir mystery. So you may like that.

I don't have a lot of queer books to rec, but I just recently read The Bees by Laline Paull and while it's not queer nearly all the characters are female because it's about bees (like how Watership Down is about rabbits) and it's a very interesting look at a very different culture that is entirely female focused.

Also, while it also isn't queer, you say you like it dark, and I just read the Poppy Wars and that is the darkest crap I've ever read. And it's a really cool setting as it's a fantasy Chinese-based county and the author has her masters in Chinese history so it's really well done and very different from the classic English countryside fantasy. It was definitely not to my taste, but I think you may appreciate it.

I dunno, but I hope something here suits you!

[pywren]

Heya! I hope you had a good start into the new year! While I don't have a queer poem per se, maybe you will enjoy this.

There is a new translation of Homer's classic The Odyssey and it is the first time a women (Emily Wilson) translated it and it changed the entire way I look at the story. It's just small things, but it changes A LOT. Here she talks about it a bit. Maybe you'll like it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmDuHzFymoA

[magicasen]

Hi Iron! I know that a lot has happened for you this past year, but I hope you continue getting to a better place for yourself physically and mentally.

I don't exercise my angst muscles as much as I could, but I was very happy to give it a shot - I hope you enjoy this ficlet!

AO3 link

post-CW Steve/Tony, Steve is actually dead

Steve’s watching him.

“It wasn’t worth it.”

There are no more words, Tony devolved into wretched sobbing. Steve tries, and fails, to weep alongside him.

---

When Steve first opens his eyes after being shot on the courthouse steps, he flinches. Tony—Director Stark is staring right at him. He approaches Steve, and Steve tenses. But like a game of chicken, Tony keeps coming closer, and he’s not backing off.

Stark, he tries to say, as Tony keeps walking, but nothing comes out. He tries again, but he can’t open his mouth, or work his throat. Even an experimental swallow brings nothing but a terrifying stillness over his body. What’s wrong with him? Did Tony, did the pro-Registration faction resort to paralyzing them?

Tony passes right through him. Steve turns around. Or, more like, he thinks of following Tony, and suddenly he is, like the half-second it takes to turn around was skipped over. Erased from his memory. He’s watching Tony, and when he raises his arm, tries to call his name, tries to reach out to Tony, nothing happens. He remains stock-still, standing ramrod straight, and Tony doesn’t respond.

---

He’s a ghost.

All he can do is watch. All he can do is listen. Anything of his own volition – touch, voice, is lost to him. He’s a passive participant in this life-after-death world, and to Steve Rogers, there could be no greater hell.

---

Steve wonders if he’s getting punished, for being the source of so much grief. Even as a dead man, he can’t begin to understand the depths that Tony has fallen to.

But Steve can feel the sympathy slipping out of his fingers. At the very beginning, just post-death, Steve would have felt for him, felt with him, just as strongly as he would have in life. How could anyone deny Tony his tears?

Now, Steve tries to remember how affected he was as a bystander at his own funeral, watching Tony’s speech, and even though he tells himself how much he felt at that moment, like a wave of regret, the sentiments are cold. A remnant of a him that feels further and further away each passing second.

Steve…wants to leave. He’s tired. He doesn’t want to watch or listen or have to be witness to Tony’s suffering. No one has told him anything —not a single person has interacted him ever since he died. But he knows this is wrong. He knows this wasn’t what was meant for him, and the reason why he can’t leave is because Tony can’t let him go.

Of course, the earlier him would have forgiven Tony. But now, Steve wishes that him he is now could forgive Tony. If he were allowed to leave, to pass on to the freedom he knows is waiting for him, he knows he could, from the other side. But here, on a chain, with his voice carved out of him, the resentment brews.

Tony would drag himself down, blaming himself for Steve’s death, and his guilt is so strong that Steve’s spirit is dragged down with him.

Let me go. Let me go. Let me go. An ugly part of him that’s only grown larger the further he gets from death seethes, and another, even more hideous part of him preens. Tony would never let him go.
Tony would never forget him.

---

His name is Steve. He only knows this because Tony says his name sometimes, always when he’s alone.

---

Tony is forgetting everything that makes him, him, setting in motion the process that would erase his own self. But all the ghost can remember is Tony. His own name has slipped away an eternity ago. What he liked, what he cared for, who he loved has faded away, inseparable from the nothingness. All the ghost remembers is Tony, the futurist, the hero, who loves creation, who begets destruction. Tony, whose fault it is that the ghost is forgetting himself. It’s all Tony’s fault. The ghost doesn’t know what Tony did, but he clings to that fact, feels it with every new pathetic low Tony falls to, every new loved person whose memories are lost to Tony.

Everything the ghost is, all of his anger and bitterness and all those other emotions that had slipped away from him, has always…come back…to this man.

---

The man in the old, grey armor crashes to the desert ground, pummeled by the other man, in the sleek, red and gold armor. The man’s helmet is yanked off, and blood is gushing from a deep cut on his head.

He watches. His own being lurches along with the man as the armored assailant raises his arms, light gathering from his arms. There’s a hiss of burning skin, and the man is on the floor, blood seeping into the sand.

This all-consuming feeling, radiating from the core of his being, must be pleasure, derived from the other man’s pain. The only emotion he has left is tied to this man’s deserved, righteous suffering.

He doesn’t remember his name. He doesn’t remember who he used to be. All he can remember now, looking over this man slipping away in a pool of his own blood, is just how much he hates this man.

[veryvincible]

Happy holidays, Law!! I hope you're holding up alright-- you've been through quite a bit recently and you've been so, so incredibly strong through it all, while simultaneously being a welcoming and lovely presence around the server! It's been wonderful getting to know you.

You're probably already aware of this, but there's a twitter account called sapphobot, and while it's not poetry on its own, I think there's something really beautiful about snippets being pieced together. It feels kind of haunting in a way that a lot of artificial intelligence-generated stuff does, incredibly ghostly like you're catching glimpses of time but not the whole picture. I like to go through sometimes and pick out fragments that sound unfamiliar to me so I can see if I can find the original. I'm not the best versed in queer poetry (though I'd like to be!), so that's what I have to offer, haha.

again, happy holidays <3

[cathalinaheart]

Hi law, I made a tiny podfic of this fic for you. You can find the pod here.

[nostalgicatsea]

Happy Valentine's Day, dear IL! For queer show recs, Arcane's plot is a little plain, but it's still fun to watch and the animation is beautiful like concept art come to life. There's a canon f/f relationship featuring one of the main main characters, Vi. She's had a hard life full of loss and is a badass brawler sister who has a younger sister with mental health issues due to the trauma they went through as children. There's also another popular ship for the show (M/M), but it's not canon and I don't know if it'll ever be. However, the two guys (Jayce and Viktor) are set up as partners in every way, and their relationship is one of the deepest on the show imo.

If you're open to shows that aren't canonically queer, but there's also nothing that prevents you from reading them as queer (there's no romance in it whatsoever, other than peripheral romances that are spoken about more than seen, really, and not involving either of the two main protagonists), Beyond Evil might be up your alley. It's a dark show written and directed by women about two policemen in a small town who have to work together despite their unwillingness to do so when a murder occurs that resembles unsolved serial murders from long ago. Both of them harbor secrets as does everyone in town.

The central focus of the show is the relationship between the two men who hate each other in the beginning, and theirs is a very intense, dark relationship. They're repelled and drawn towards each other, they can't stop thinking of each other, etc., and one of them suspects the other of being the culprit behind the serial killings and they try to mess with each other's minds as a result! There's a lot of trauma, grief, self-hatred, mental health issues (with one of the side characters), and some really good h/c. Lots of scenes with men crying. Lots of tenderness and love among friends and found family despite everything.

Again, there's no romance in general and personally I'm not into the ship for some unknown reason because all the elements are THERE, but I completely understand why other people do because of this. The other characters in the show also question whether the two policemen are an item (neither dispels it and the way it's handled doesn't feel like icky queerbaiting to me especially with the way they handle the relationship between the two overall), and the cast members have spoken about the relationship and how it's like a romance iirc so I think you can consider it open to interpretation!

Both of these shows are on Netflix if you have it. If you don't, Beyond Evil is on Viki and if you don't have that but want to watch it, let me know.

[sineala]

Hi, Iron! I am so glad you are part of the server!

I can't remember if I've recced you her work already but you might like the novels of Nicola Griffith. All of her books are about queer women, and I don't know that I'd describe all her work as dark but a lot of it goes pretty hard -- she has some fantasy and some SF and some suspense novels. You might like her Aud Torvingen books -- the first one is The Blue Place -- and I think Slow River is the darkest of her SF though I don't actually remember how it ends.

[oestentia]

Happy Valentines Law! Seeing you in the server is always great. I hope you have a great day!

Fic: Yesterday
Rating: M
Pairings: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Warnings: Canon typical violence, Mentions of previous canonical death

***

They're all here: Wanda; Vision; Emma; Mockingbird; Peter; Steve--

"Hey, Shellhead."

--Of course. It isn't a Skrull invasion until they copy Steve.


"You look like death." His breath hitches, and Tony pauses what he's doing. His fingers twitch and Tony can feel the sweat gather on his collarbones, making him feel even more cold and clammy than before.

"What happened to you, Shellhead?" Steve says, almost wistful.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Tony counters.

"The Kree Shi'ar War."

Tony hums. Okay, he could work with this. And, at least this way Steve wouldn't know how bad he'd fucked up. He couldn't stand to see Steve--even if it's a Skrull wearing Steve's face--disappointed in him again.

"It's been a long time since then."

"How long?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Humor me," Steve insists.

"Years. Many years. The team disbanded. Ant-man is dead. Wanda is dead. Vision died. Thor left, and died, then came back, then left again."

And you and me, we got into a big fight--almost destroyed New York. I cloned Thor. You tried to kill me. And, oh, you're dead. Tony keeps the rest to himself. He won't admit it but he's enjoying this Steve's company. He reminds him of an earlier version of his Winghead: back in the good 'ol days. Plus, he already has a lot of blood on his hands without killing Steve's duplicate.

Tony scoffs. "Anything else you wanna know?"

"God."

"Told you, you wouldn't like it."

"Then you have to know it's not me," Steve says.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just biding my time till I finish building this armor."

"Will you kill me?"

"Chances are, someone's gonna walk through that door uh, open gateway, and hit you with everything they got. And even after copying Steve, you're but one Skrull."

Tony sees Steve swallow through the reflection on tempered metal; sees him change tactics through an excellent poker face.

Steve starts, "Do you remember, uh... back when you took me out to spend a night on the town?"

Tony starts. Seems like every version of Steve has a way of surprising him. He tilts his head  and listens carefully. "What about it?"

"I was so new to this time--your time, so naive and young. Yet, you gave me a place to stay in the mansion, you took me out; introduced me to new and old things alike. Remember, you gave me my first blow-job in the stalls of that nightclub? God, Tony, I was so scared. Of what people would think, I was so, so nervous. And yet... here you were, with a metal plate attached to your chest, showing me a whole new world; taking me in without complaint.

Tony gulps. He hadn't thought Steve would remember every bit and piece of their night out and every moment since; but maybe that was his fault: he should've expected Steve to remember. After all, Steve is the one who always used to remember.

His eyes sting suddenly and he's pulled back into the present.

"What do you want, Steve?"

"The last time I saw you, we fought. And, before that, we hadn't spoken for years. I know you miss it too: the firey passion, the friendship, the camaraderie..."

Its clear it's not Tony's best day, but damn if he'll let this alien version of Steve get so low with him.

"It doesn't matter," he says.

"It does matter Tony, because I want it back. I want what we had back. Being on different sides of the country was bad enough, I don't ever want to fight with you again."

Tony laments at himself. This was all he ever wanted, wasn't it? And now, he's being offered it freely. The only problem: it isn't the real Steve. The real Steve--the jaded, tired of Tony's lies, Steve--if he was here, he wouldn't even want to look at Tony's face, much less confess his heart out. Steve hated him.

Tony just wants someone to come in and finish the job; because he can't do it, but he can't hear Steve's earnest tone anymore either.

"I want us to rekindle what we have again--" Steve continues, unaware of Tony's inner turmoil.

"Stop. Just stop. Please."

"...Tony, we can do that. We can have everything again. Just, just come with me... Come, I want someone to meet you--"

Steve's voice stops suddenly, a gasp, then sound of something hitting something with a loud thump. When Tony finally turns to look around, Steve has a dart to his neck, the veins on his green skin popping.

The Skrull standing in Steves place turns around nervously, then takes off into the forest.

Carol lands in front of him. "What'd I miss?" But she's smirking, so Tony doesn't bother with an answer, just gets back to work.

There's an audible woosh from somewhere nearby and Carol shouts in response, "Thanks Shanna!"

"Tony, you know he wasn't Steve, right?" she says, after a moment.

"Yeah, I do." His voice is hoarse but Carol doesn't comment.

"Good. Because he was just trying to manipulate you. You can't trust him, man, or anyone for that matter."

"Don't you think I know that?!" Tony snaps, then sighs. His throat is tight but he manages to keep it in, barely.

"Hey, just saying..." Tony doesn't see it, but he's pretty sure Carol has her arms up and shrugging.

Tony waits until Carol flies away to finally break down in peace.

***

[welcoming_disaster]

happy valentines day iron!!! <3
i wrote you some carol/jess angsty porn :)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/37131946

[phoenixmetaphor]

I am quite, quite late so please forgive me for dropping a link and running! Happy Stockingmas <3